What is Social Media Douchebag Syndrome (or SMDS) and how is it caused?
While no known physical or contagion vectors have been identified to cause SMDS, there are four primary sociologically and psychological factors that are key in the establishment and proliferation of SMDS as a social disease: Loneliness; caused either directly or indirectly by one’s own behavior, or lack of socialization, or by social isolation due to being a Douchebag in general. Anonymity; again either related to the fact the person is unwilling to interact in the “real world” and prefers to exist behind a facade or mask of their online persona, often using false names such as Ima Bigdick or Lemmy Suckyertit or more obscure ones as MasterofyourUniverse Gary (or Tom or even Dick), or the person has been shunned and therefore almost required to interact through false personas or purely online because again, Douchebag. A sense of new interconnections; whereby the person, because of commenting or being allowed to post to another person’s wall or board or page feels they are developing a strong relationship with the other person regardless of the relationship being in reality as such. And, false empowerment, a state where the person, whether because of the seemingly untouchable nature of online interactions feels they can do, or say or act any way they please, without fear of reprisal or being bitchslapped for being a Douchebag. SMDS seems to develop over a short time frame, usually a year or less, and often within a few weeks depending on the amount of contact. Higher interaction shortens the flare up or occurrences of SMDS greatly!
How is Social Media Douchebag Syndrome presented?
Usually, the person experiencing Social Media Douchebag Syndrome will, over a period of time during which they have been interacting with another person, begin using more personal terms of endearment in their comments and posts to the other person such as “hon”, or “honey”, “sugarlumps”, “honeybuns”, “dearest”, “darling”, “sweetheart”, “lover” or the like – primarly terms reserved for use by a Significant Other. The SMDS sufferer will start to increase postings and responses to postings and the uses of such terms of endearment and will even begin to show protective or even jealous behavior to others on the target person (or persons as they often have this process occurring with more than one target) posts or pages.
The true, full blown expression of SMDS is shown when the person begins to repeatedly message the target their undying love and devotion and will the target person get naked for them on Messenger or Hangouts or other picture or video media. Usually when this stage of SMDS presents itself, the target person reacts negatively to the sufferer and either politely denies the requests or, until such time as they have been asked and harassed so much about it, tell the sufferer to “pack sand” or “fuck off and die!” or similar responses. The afflicted, once getting these negative responses begins to react with outward expressions of rejection and disdain for the target, often posting memes and songs and such about their “break out” or “being dumped” or “how shitty their Ex is,” when in reality they have had no ex, because the relationship had not progressed to that level or more likely, the sufferer is (you guessed it) a D-O-U-C-H-E-B-A-G!
Is SMDS curable? What can a sufferer and those around them do to deal with Social Media Douchebag Syndrome?
Whether SMDS is curable, or even a terminal condition is a difficult question to address at this point. Primarly because of the general philosophy of once a douchebag, always a douchebag holds true for the majority of those afflicted. But, with proper real world socialization and interaction with people in real world environments it is possible a person with SMDS can resolve the issues and live and be a generally decent person socially. They may still be a Douchebag, but they may also learn to not always ACT like one!
For those having to deal with someone having SMDS, the best response if not wishing the behaviors to continue is…. cut the bugger off! Thats right, block and move on. Ignoring is another option but tends to take longer to stop the behavior. Basically, the condition can only be changed by the afflicted learning and accepting they are a Douchebag and then making a real effort to resolve the issues by getting out and interacting reat-time in the living world. and occasionally, getting bitchslapped for being a Douchebag!
— While SMDS is currently (as I know) a totally fictitious condition, and this is written mostly in jest, the point is a serious one. Just because you have a few laughs, or a conversation online or are an ardent commentator on a persons posts and pages, does NOT make you necessarily a significant other! is it okay to ask to private message another person or video chat? Sure it is. Asking is always a recommended behavior over just sending pics or requests to chat blindly. However, as real world relationships may progress over time and interaction and generally getting to know someone, so do online or social media friendships. It takes time, a MUTUAL interest in a deeper relationship, and the knowledge of that interest by actually learning about and getting to know another person. And if the other person says “no,” well then you have been put into the Friends Zone (or they block you because you probably should have been observant enough to see that is not what they are into with you or about in general on their social media sites) and can simply deal with having a friend online, not a bad thing at all, or try maybe using an online dating or hookup site instead. Is it possible to meet people on social media and have a deeper relationship where these behaviors are totally acceptable? Sure it is! happens all the time! Again, its take actually getting to know someone just like in the real world and, oh don’t forget, asking!
Sadly, one aspect of Social Media Douchebag Syndrome (or SMDS) is the rejection response of the unrequited person having the syndrome to post various things about shitty exes and memes of such a nature as to have people think they actually broke up or were dumped by a shitty ex!.. No, douchebag you obviously needed more outside time as a child and less teet sucking! Calling someone honey or flirting or even being sexual in comments does not automatically grant you a relationship of that nature. Go cry on someone else’s page or even better find those gonads (male or female, as this is an equal opportunity condition) and reattach them and go out into the real world and meet real people that live near you and remember… this is just social media. Got it?